Stephanie Joyce Cole
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Compass North
  • Homer, Ak
  • News and Events
  • Book Groups and Book Clubs
  • Contact
Visit Stephanie Joyce Cole on facebook

Cancer Land Chronicles, 2

12/29/2014

4 Comments

 
Picture
A GIFT FROM A POLE LAMP


Mark is nearing the end of his second round of chemo.  We won’t know until early January its effect, if any, on the tumors in his pancreas and liver.  The chemo treatment is a bruising regimen:  Once a week, for three consecutive weeks in a month period, we go to the clinic at the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. Over a course of several hours two potent chemotherapy agents, gemicitabine and paclitaxel, are pumped into the surgically-implanted port that leads from his chest into his heart.  In the days that follow the chemo, Mark fights crushing fatigue and nausea, until close to the end of the week, when he starts to feel normal.  Then we start it all again.

We are living in a small furnished apartment in downtown Seattle while our house is being remodeled over the next four months.  The decision to remodel (and to do it on the fast track) was a whacky decision but one we haven’t regretted.  The architect and construction crew have been wonderful, and seeing the house transforming week to week is a positive experience for us.

Our apartment is cozy and convenient, but it has its faults, the most serious of which (from my perspective) is a dearth of adequate lighting.  A small alcove off the living room is designated in “apartment-marketing-speak” as the den.  I’ve set up my office there, with a rental desk and chair and a stack of Costco bankers boxes.  For weeks now, I’ve been frustrated by the lack of light.  I’ve put two study lamps on the desk, but they take up a lot of room and give the alcove a cave-like feeling.  Yesterday, in a burst of inspiration and energy, I went on a shopping expedition and bought an inexpensive pole lamp.  I took it home, assembled it, and suddenly—lots of light.

But here’s what surprised me:  After I stood back and admired the brightness of the alcove, I felt—absolute elation.  Not just pleasure, not just satisfaction, but an overwhelming bubble of happiness.  Suddenly the world was a better place.  

I think I’ve figured out why this simple act of buying and assembling a pole lamp had such a profound effect.

I’ve always thought of myself as a problem-solver.  Most of my adult work life has involved tackling problems.  But cancer is a problem I can’t solve.  Cancer is a brutal whirlwind that sweeps you up and drags you along.  Mark and I can make some decisions—yes to this treatment, no to that one—but as we go through this process, our belief that we have some control of our own lives has been ripped away from us.  The act of solving this small problem of inadequate light felt incredibly empowering because here, thank goodness, was something I could fix.

Thank you, pole lamp, for making my day.











                                                   





4 Comments
Tom Tatka
1/2/2015 10:21:37 am

Dear Friends,
Oh, what can I say; OH SHIT!
One definition of happiness:
Being reasonably satisfied
with one's circumstances.

Reply
Tom Tatka
1/2/2015 10:25:15 am

continued:
God gives us small miracles every day; sometimes larger. I hope that you are both continuing to receive all possible blessings.
If I can add anything to your lives, just ask.

Reply
Teri
1/12/2015 10:40:08 am

That's one thing that you are likely to keep as time goes on -- that wonderful sense of accomplishment for the many small things in daily life (and the big ones). And yes, light. Always good.

Reply
Male Workers England link
3/2/2021 06:47:00 pm

Hello mate great blog post

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Stephanie Joyce Cole

    Archives

    April 2022
    May 2021
    December 2020
    April 2020
    July 2018
    March 2018
    December 2017
    February 2017
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    February 2014
    December 2013

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.